awake. still.

For some reason I am unable to sleep on nights like these. There is snow on the ground and the sky has that strange reddish glow. I toss and turn for hours. I try every combination of blankets and pillows, arranging them in every possible way. But still - no luck falling asleep. And all the while I just keep thinking and thinking with no way to turn it off.

I have a lot of things to get done tomorrow.

Bank, grocery shopping, post office, laundry, cleaning.

I'm thinking of Christmas gifts.

And of snow.

And of work,

school starting in January,

internships?,

tuition,

loans,

medical bills,

medicalhealthmumbojumbo,

whatdoesthatmeanformeinthelongrun?,

howcanIeverplanforanything?,

what am I doing with my life?,

and on and on.

The rational part of my brain chimes in every so often.

There's nothing that I can do tonight about anything. Right now it's time to relax and go to sleep. And besides - things will all work out. Getting stressed about things does not help them.

Calm down, let it all go, sleep.

And for about five minutes I do calm down. I start to settle in a bit more.

But then I start thinking again. And all my limbs feel jumpy. And I can't figure out why I feel like leaping out of bed and going for a run.

Because it is FIVE IN THE MORNING. And there is snow on the ground. And it is dark and cold and miserable.