Sunday, June 19, 2011

fight it.






No, this post isn't just me posting a bunch of pictures of myself.
Or rather, it is. But it's mostly about what these pictures have in common.

I have this very strong desire to cut it all off again. (This happens from time to time.)

Just think! I can save so much time. It would be so much cooler for the summer. It would make me look so much more sophisticated. And French. Also edgy. So very edgy.

Right? hmmmmmm? right?

Monday, June 13, 2011

and on and on.

It's funny how things change. And it's funny how some things don't.


So much is different from a month ago.

I was in Canyonlands a month ago. Hiking, actually.
Work was stressing me out and I was feeling pretty bad about school.
I was trying really hard to figure myself out, to get things in order. I was planning for my future. I felt like my future was right there. Like I needed to deal with everything right up front.


Now?


Work is work. I'm doing okay.
School is far enough away that I don't feel the stress of it. (Deep enough into summer that the bad feelings have faded, but not so close to fall that I am worried about the new semester.)

I'm surviving. I wouldn't say thriving or anything. But I'm doing just fine.

I've been working really hard on being more involved in the "right now." I am a version of myself right now, at this moment, that I will never be again. And I feel like I owe it to myself to live my life. Future-Lauren is some other girl. She'll get her chance to live. But for now she just needs to wait. I (right-now-me) am going to try to soak up as much experience as possible.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

when it rains it pours; misfortune comes in threes

I got into my first car accident today. (Everyone's fine, don't worry.)




So that's two.
What next?


(I'm kidding. Really. Nothing else is necessary.)

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

How to deal:

Start with Jeremy Enigk's album "World Waits". (Put it on repeat. forever and ever.)
Follow that up with a multi-generational visit to a nail salon. Moms and Nanas know what's up.
Go clothes shopping. (A brand new white shirt will do wonders for your outlook on life. It's symbolic.)
Spend time with friends that listen. Love them.
Keep as busy as you can. (You don't feel like going out and socializing? Tough. Do it anyway.)
Stand in the sunshine as much as possible.
Cry. Cry as much as you want. (No shame.)
Indulge in fried foods.
Then eat the healthiest salad in the world for your next meal.
Take walks. Explore. Get fresh air.
Make some new friends.
Pour your heart out into a journal.
Put that journal on the shelf and start a new one.
Drink tea.
Bake things.
Laugh a little.
Stop feeling guilty for laughing.
Clean some more.
Revert back to your childhood for a little while.
Read things. Books, magazines, the internet. The Whole Internet.
Draw. (With charcoal, so that you get covered in black smudges. Then take a shower. Also symbolic.)

Still don't feel better? Wait it out, I guess.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Bradbury

I love him. Adore him. He is, hands down, my favorite writer. And the wonderful thing is there is still so much of his writing I have yet to read. He doesn't just write novels and short stories. He also writes poems. Here is an example. A beautiful example. Ray Bradbury, I love you.


Why Didn’t Someone Tell Me About Crying in the Shower?
By Ray Bradbury

Why Didn’t Someone Tell Me About Crying in the Shower?
What a fair fine place to cry.
What a rare place to let go
And know that no one hears---
Let fall your tears which, with the rain that falls,
Appall nobody save yourself, and standing there
You wear your sadness, properly assuaged,
Your head and face massaged by storms of spring
Or, if you think it, autumn rain.
You drain yourself away to naught, the move to joy;
But sadness must come first, it must be bought.
A thirst for melancholy, then, must find its place
To stand in the corners and know grief;
The last leaf on the tree may turn you there,
Or just the way the wind, with cats,
Prowls down the garden grass
Or some boy passing on a bike,
Selling the end of summer with a shout,
Or some toy left like doubt upon a walk,
Or some girl’s smile that, heedless, cracks the heart,
In all your house is empty, still,
Your children gone, their warm rooms chill,
Their summer-oven beds unyeasted, flat,
Waiting for cats to visit some half-remembered ghost
In the long fall.
So, for absolutely no good reason at all
Old oceans rise
One’s eyes are filled with salt;
Something unknown then dies and must be mourned.
Then standing beneath the shower at noon or night
Is right and proper and good--
One’s interior land is wonderfully nourished by tears:
The years that you brought to harvest
Are properly scythed down and laid,
The games of love you played are ribboned and filed, unbound
So freely found then, know it, let it go
From out your eyes and with the sweet rain flow.
But now, good boys, strong gentlemen, take heed:
This stuff is not for women, lost, alone;
The need is yours as well as theirs.
Take women’s wisdom for your own.
Take sorrow’s loan and let your own cares free
Christ, give it a try!
Not to learn how to weep is, lost fool,
But to learn how to die.
Stand weeping there from midnight until morn,
Then from impacted wisdom shorn, set free,
Leap forth to laugh in freshborn children’s hour and shout:
Oh, damn you, maids, that’s what it’s all about?
Sweet widows with your wisdom, blast you all to hell!
Why?
Why, why God, oh why,
Why wouldn’t someone tell me about crying in the shower.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

end of semester

Research paper: 2/10 pages complete
Total studying accomplished: 0% for 0/4 classes (it will happen eventually.)

I'm busy. But in six days it will all be over. And then it's the summer (mmmmhm).