a perfect storm

It is 4 am and I am awake. (5 am Utah time)

Why?

Because we drove from Provo to Mesa yesterday. And we left at 12:30 am.

Which means I did not sleep yesterday.

I arrived at my parents' home, took a shower, and then went to see Thomas - hairdresser and friend extraordinaire. After me, my mother, and my nana had all been trimmed and blow-dried, we headed back to my nana's home. My cousin met us there with four enormous pizzas from Barros (the most wonderful pizza in the world).

Did I mentioned that the only thing I had eaten for 24 hrs previous to this had been an egg muffin thing from McDonalds?

Did I further mention that yesterday was the hottest day of the year in Arizona?

So picture this: no sleep, no food, very little water, and overwhelming heat.

Which is why I inhaled three slices of pizza and then promptly passed out on my grandparents' couch. I woke up long enough to come back to my parents' home, strip down, and fall fast asleep.

I woke up just now because I was hot, dehydrated, and feeling weird.

One glass of water and a blog post later and I am ready for round two of sleep.

But not round two of pizza.

Tomorrow (today?) I am eating nothing but vegetables.

Good night. morning. sleep.

My favorite season is ending. It's still hot outside, but the sun is setting earlier with every passing day. I'm starting to feel fall coming on. Sweaters, textbooks, hours spent in the library or in a classroom... all of these things are getting closer and closer. Each time I complain about the my room being hot or compete for rights to the fan a little voice in my head reminds me that soon I won't be able to feel my toes. I'll spend my days sipping hot cocoa and shivering under layers of heavy, too-tight clothing.

My favorite season has always been summer. It wasn't because school was out (the reason so many other school children loved it) - but because of the way life slows down and becomes so much sweeter.

I'm going to miss the late nights where the concrete holds on to the day's warmth. The lazy mornings, waking up with a room yellow with an early rising sun. I'm even going to miss the bugs - the crickets, the bees, and the ants.

I wrote in my journal at the end of last spring about my feelings of apprehension toward this summer. Most of my dearest friends were leaving for far off places, I was looking at long days staring at a computer screen, and I had visions of last summer's struggles on my mind.

I had some unpleasant things (and a lot of really great things) occur this sumer. Looking back now I can see that a lot of good has come out of it. I've made new friends, had new experiences, and grown into myself a little more.

I hope that the things I've gained these past few months don't fade away with the flowers and the hum of summer. I'm happier than I've ever been and I'd like to keep heading in this direction.

so tempted to cut my hair again

be careful what you wish for

I need to get out of town for a few days. Do something new, have a change of scenery, shake off my identity for a little while. I get like this when life gets too formulaic.

It's true that the weeks have been flying by. But it's not because they are packed with anything novel or exciting. It's because I can say to myself on any given day, "Well, today is Monday (or Tuesday or Wednesday...) so I know exactly what I will be doing." This type of predictability can be comforting and make me feel secure and safe... but sometimes (like now) it just makes me feel trapped, bored, and restless. I know what is coming next so I just tune out. It's like white noise.

Nothing about my life is bad. I love my family, my friends, my home. I am lucky to have such a great job and to be in such an ideal situation. So really, I'm not complaining. I couldn't wish for anything better, exactly. But I just wish for things to be a little bit different.

stewart falls

Yesterday was a pretty great day.

I slept in and had a really lazy morning. Around noon, I headed over to Maleah's to babysit baby Makani. She's about eight or nine months old (Soph - help me out on this one, I can't remember) and is at one of my favorite ages. She sits up on her own and likes to play - but she hasn't quite figured out how to crawl. This means a stationary baby that is easy to occupy. And Makani is probably the most easy going baby I've ever known, so the three hours I spent with her consisted of lots of giggling (mostly me) and drooling (mostly her). I didn't bring a camera, so I don't have any photos to share. But picture this: a wide, toothless grin, next to no hair, wide eyes, and big kissable cheeks. So precious.

Also, this baby is currently teething and she STILL wasn't fussy or disagreeable. I'm not exaggerating when I say - most. easygoing. baby. ever.


After babysitting, Jon came and picked me up. We made lunch at his house and then headed up to Sundance. We hiked up to Stewart Falls and had a really nice afternoon/early evening. And I do have pictures of this - so get ready.

The landscape was absolutely gorgeous. We rode the lift up, hiked over to the falls, and then hiked back down.

This is a picture of what we saw from the lift:

I get pretty nervous when it comes to heights, so parts of the hike were a bit nerve-wracking (think narrow trail with a sheer drop on one side). Surprisingly the ride up in the lift wasn't too scary. I think because it's manmade and has a security bar I had a false sense of security. Like, "Oh! Sundance maintains this. There's no way I could ever fall out and die. No big deal." Although I couldn't help but think about this story I read a few months ago.

The whole hike was just gorgeous. I couldn't get over it.

The falls themselves were really pretty too. And cold. And very tall.

The water was SO COLD. Jon insisted upon us taking a picture of our feet in the water. I agreed but immediately regretted it.

This is a picture Jon took on our way back down. You can see the waterfall off in the distance.

One of my favorite parts of the hike was the fairy throne. It was in this area where the trees were really dense and the stream got shallow enough to easily wade through it. In the center of the stream was a stump in the shape of a throne.

Fairies. Or drops of water on the lens. Whatever.

And then, of course, the drive home. The drive down the canyon always seems so much shorter than the drive up.

After the hike I came home and showered (which felt really amazing). Then Jon came and picked me up again. We also got Braden on the way and then we went over to Tom's to watch The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. I was the only one who had seen it before and I was really excited to have everyone watch it. In the end, I think they liked it (but probably not as much as I do). We played Soul Calibur for a while and then watched the Mammals episode of Life (as narrated by David Attenborough, not Oprah).

By the time I got home it was really, really late. So late, in fact, that Lana was just getting up. That was a weird exchange - good morning! good night!

Anyway, a great day from start to finish.

what i like to call "getting back on track"

New goals:
- go to bed at a decent time
- spend less money eating out/going to movies
- read at least one book each week for the rest of the summer
- keep my bedroom picked up
- get out of bed when my alarm goes off (so that I have time to shower and so that Lana doesn't have to listed to Yelle or Sugar Ray every five minutes for half the morning)
- do something active at least three times per week
- cut back on sugar (no more buying sweet things)
- focus on being a better friend, roommate, daughter, etc. and less on things that don't really matter

Lately I've become really lackadaisical, listless, languid, lazy, leaden - I think you get the picture - about things/my life/everything. No more. I will not fall back on any of my usual excuses - "it's too hot", "but it's summer", "I forgot to eat lunch so these five rice krispy treats are really just balancing out the missed calories".

I had very lofty goals at the beginning of this summer. And again towards the middle. Somewhere in the last couple of weeks, though, I lost my footing and ended up meandering around. I know exactly what happened and I know just what I need to do to fix this.

woke up with an earwig pinching my neck. dreadful.

I've been at work for an hour and a half. But I'm already feeling restless.

This should be an interesting week.