The fact that I always manage to get the paper done in time does not help my habit of procrastination.
I would like myself a lot more if I didn't consistently paint myself into a corner.

But would I produce the same work without the pressure of a deadline?
(Or would it maybe [just maybe] be better than what I am able to come up with under these [panicked, last minute] circumstances?)

sniffles.

But I don't have time to be sick.

It's been far too long since the last time I watched this.

And while I'm posting stills from movies:

and the beat goes on

I'm feeling self absorbed. So of course the best way to deal with this is to blog about it, right?

 I'm tired of thinking about myself all the time. My days fill up with classes, work, and then some combination of homework/social something or other. By the end of the day I feel unaccomplished. And selfish. Because I spend so much time pursuing my education, my social life, my whatever else. Enough about me. I know plenty about me. It's boring and it's old news.

 This is due (in part) to the fact that it's the beginning of the semester. I am meeting new people and catching up with friends I haven't seen in a long time. As a result of this, I find myself repeating the same stories over and over again. Yeah, summerwasgood, gladtobestartingschool, movedintoanewplace, mynameisLaurenI'mfromArizona, blah, blah, blah.*

 I'm sick of listening to myself and I feel like everybody else must be sick of it too. But maybe not, since you only have to sit through my repertoire once?** Meanwhile, I feel like one of those dolls with a button hidden in her hand. Squeeze my hand and I'll repeat my little recorded lines to you. Maybe sing you a song.

 Annnd then there's bedtime. I shut off the lights and then it starts.*** The never-ending narrative in my head. I'm so, so sick of hearing myself talk but my brain just keeps going and going and going. So I stare at the ceiling, watch it light up for brief moments as cars pass on the street outside. And I don't sleep.

 A coworker recommended meditation. I think I'll try that. Hopefully that will quiet the voice that will. not. stop.****

 * This is not to say that every conversation I've had lately is rote/meaningless. So if you feel like we've had a good talk recently, chances are I do actually feel the same.
** For those of you who happen to have been in multiple social situations with me lately I AM SO SORRY if you've had to listen to me go through this multiple times.
*** I forget what I was going to put here.
**** This sounds really self-loathing. It isn't as bad as it sounds.

 I guess what all of the above really amounts to is this: I'm kinda tired of being me. Is that really bad? Is that a normal feeling to have from time to time?

 And a note on the title: My roommate is listening to something with a whole lotta bass. I have hardly slept in the past few days. (Meaning headache.) Ouch.

Look, I like you summer. You're my favorite and we've had a lot of good times. But it's time we had a chat.

Your long, hot sunny days are wonderful I love wearing sandals and shorts all the time, laying in the grass, enjoying the outdoors.

Here's the thing, though. School started and took away everything good about you. I don't get to enjoy any of the positive aspects of our relationship these days. Instead, I have to put on pants (yikes) and closed-toed shoes (sigh) and trudge across campus. I have to wear a backpack and hurry everywhere I go. My shirt gets all sweaty where my backpack straps go and I just end up red and gross by the end of the day.

I wish what we had could have lasted forever. But the reality is that we need some time apart. I need a cooler season in my life right now.

Things are good. I'm feeling happier than I have in a really long time. It's like when the sun rises and the world goes from variations of blue to having color and shape. Things are better, more clear.
I feel like myself for the first time in who knows how long. And more than that, it's a newer, better version of myself.

Good, happy things:
-fall semester starts tomorrow
-I've set a brand new list of goals for myself
-I just downloaded two Jeremy Enigk albums I had been missing (love, love, love)
-new episodes of Doctor Who!

Another thing:
Sometimes when I look back at things I've done in the past I feel embarrassed. And I suppose that's good. It means I'm growing.

I can't sleep (side effect of the wonder drug) so... naturally I was reading the course syllabus for my IHUM 280R class. One of my required texts is Batman: The Long Halloween.
We will also be watching Poltergeist, Batman, and The Dark Knight.

I have a feeling this class is going to be amazing.