poetry, chlorine, and life

This morning I slept in, spent the morning cleaning the house, and then went swimming with Amy. Once I started to feel my winter skin stinging in the sun, Amy and I decided to get dressed and go to the farmer's market. We stopped for lunch on the way and spent some time talking and taking photos together. As she chewed thoughtfully on a chicken nugget, my sister said something that got me thinking. She squinted at me the way she does when she has something serious to say, looked me up and down, and said, "You are very different from the way you were when you were little." She went on to say that I look different, I act different, and I am just different all around. She followed that up with, "You used to be kind of chubby." Such a little gem.

But my little sister's lack of sensitivity is not the point here. I really am different from the girl I was when I was her age (ten). I've evolved from a dreamy, bookish child, into an insecure high school freshman, to a world-weary eighteen year old cynic. I graduated high school and went off to college - starting on the journey that brought me to my current state (a dreamy, bookish, but vastly different twenty year old).

To say that I get nostalgic in the summer would be an understatement. Not that intro-/retro-spection are uncommon activities for me. Anyone that knows me well would agree that I spend a lot of time tucked into my own head. But the summer time has always felt like the end of things. It's a chance to take stock of the events of the preceding year and to set new goals. Blame it on fifteen years of being a student, but I've said it before and I'll say it again - the calendar may change in January, but the new year begins with the scent of pencils and a new pair of shoes.

Of those fifteen years of student-hood, I feel like this past year has swept me farther away from shore than I've ever been before. Through everything, I know I've become stronger, more independent, and much more comfortable in my own skin. I've started working out what my priorities are and what I want out of life. My beliefs are taking on a more defined shape. I see the world through new eyes.

There is a lot that I could say. I could start listing all of the things I've learned and I could try to share some of my new found convictions. But there is just too much to include in one silly blog post.

What I would like to say, though, is that I am happier now than I have ever been. I am writing poetry again and I've dusted off my sketchbook. Life is full of beauty and I wish that I could find a way to show people that.

So Amy, thanks for the chat. Just don't call me chubby again, k?