a reason to break this two month silence

I'm not one to say this usually.  But goodness, gracious.  Can I just be her?

I haven't had anything to post since October 31st.  But - here we are.

Forty-five days. Then I'll be done with finals and with this semester. That's totally manageable, right?

(The word manageable suddenly looked like the word "manger", which is the French verb for "to eat". Which made me think of the phrase "biting off more than you can chew"... which is kind of what I did this semester.)

But here are some good things.

- Halloween candy like WOAH.

- Jacket weather is here. (Mostly. sometimes.)

- I'm three-fourths of the way through this monster of a paper. ("monster" not so much because of its length, but because of my inability to patch together any sort of coherent structure for it. or to even write decent sentences.)

- Two new Radio Dept albums.

- Fried rice for dinner. Except maybe this is more depressing than anything, when it comes down to it. (ask me another time and I'll explain why this is especially sad)

- That bottle of soy sauce I bought a month ago? I was finally able to open it. I had tried EVERYTHING. Hot water, knife under the edge of the cap, tapping it on the counter, insulting it in angry tones. Everything. I even had other people try to open it for me. They couldn't.

- that's it.

That's about all the happy I can come up with right now.

Wait.

No.

- Also, the pink wig I bought that I really couldn't afford and so what if my rent is going to be just the tiniest bit late. It's adorable and I love it. Princess Bubble Gum? Stephanie from Lazytown? Scarlett Johansson in Lost in Translation? Yep. All the time.

i take it back

My stress is JUST LIKE A GEYSER.  The pressure builds and builds until there is an enormous display of waterworks.

But instead of scalding water, it is in the form of tears.

Sooo many tears.

Yellowstone

This weekend I took a much-needed break and went on a road trip with Matt and Lana.  We drove to Rexburg on Friday (yesterday), stayed with some of Matt's friends over night, then we all went to Yellowstone for the day.

Here are just a few pictures:

In front of the sign at the entrance! (of course)

 In front of a cloud of sulfur/hot pots!

Reading about the things!

Old Faithful!  Which lived up to it's name.

We'll drive back tomorrow and then it's school-midterms-researchpaper-rent-bills-andgnlrekheh;ekbgejknentr freaking out.  I didn't realize just how stressed I was until I went away and took a break from it all.  I told myself I wouldn't think about any of it while I was away... and for the most part I didn't.  That is, until this afternoon when I was standing next to a pool of boiling clay, bathed in a cloud of sulfurous vapor, and I started to have a mini heart attack as I thought about all the things that are waiting for me in Provo.  I was able to push down the panic, though, and enjoy the rest of the day. 

Also - I was really tempted to turn this post into some stupid analogy comparing my stress levels to a geyser.  But I didn't.  You're welcome.

TAKE THAT ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN ON ME.  YEAH.

Eight hours later, guys.  Eight. hours.

Breathing now.  How long since I remembered breathing?  I think I started hyperventilating around hour six.  Yikes.

But let me just say that my paper is going to be awesome.  Someday.  When I can bear to look at it again.

i'm never eating pizza again

I think I discovered my limit for pizza consumption.

About a week ago I was sitting at work and realized that I hadn't had pizza in a really long time.  I had this really intense craving for pepperoni pizza.  I went to my parents house that night and ended up eating a frozen pizza for dinner.  Awesome, right?  But I didn't stop there.

Friday night, I made homemade pizza.  

Then Saturday I went to a party where pizza was provided.

And tonight I attended a dinner at Pizzeria 712.

Add to that the two times I ate leftover pizza for breakfast over the past week.

That is a LOT of pizza.  And you know what?  I enjoyed every single one of those pizza slices.  ALL OF THEM.

But then I came home tonight and my roommate had baked a pizza.  She offered me a slice and I thought I was going to be sick.

Buh.

No. More. Pizza.  Nevereverever.

Sooo... if you're interested, I've got some leftovers from dinner tonight that I won't cannot eat.

All I want is to eat from now on is salad.  Salad and celery.

Well, Remicade infusion 1 in progress.  Kind of.  They're giving me Benadryl first through the IV and then they'll start with the infusion of the actual medication.  I'm in a room full of older cancer patients and it makes me a little sad to see them all here.  This infusion center is located within a cancer treatment center - so most of the other patients here are going through chemotherapy.  The other patients all look like they could be someone's dad or grandmother.  The strange part is that everyone here seems to know the routine of this place.  They walk in, settle into their chairs, and stick out an arm.  The nurses go from patient to patient, adjusting IVs, checking the progress of the medications draining into patients.

Another thing: you know those service projects where you make quilts to send to a hospital?  Well, I know now where those end up.  They are neatly folded and placed in cupboards all around this room.  Easily reached by cold patients on gray, drizzly mornings (like today).  [Also, I realized that I don't really like being called a "patient".  I am what I am, I suppose.  But that title is not my favorite.]

Woah.  Okay.  The drowsiness the nurse warned me could occur as a side effect of the Benadryl kicked in.  So just be aware that I might post this before it's finished so that I can go to sleep.  Also, sorry if there are any typos in this post.


This place is not at all what I expected.  I was thinking that it would be very clinical and be lit in fluorescent, greenish light.  I was surprised to walk in and see pretty marble floors (okay, I doubt it's actually marble... but it's supposed to look like marble.)  There are this black leather recliners running along the length of the room.  The chairs look like they belong in a living room, not in place like this.  Or at least, the almost do.  They have wheels on the bottom and big white numbers on the side.  They also have TVs and DVD players in pretty cherry wood entertainment systems.  They're spaced out about every three chairs.

I've been watching the rain out some of the big windows that cover one of the walls.

I can't help thinking back to where I was a year ago.  Hospital, entirely too many drugs in my system.  This is kind of similar, I guess.  But things are so much better than they were last October.

The nurse switched out the Benadryl and started the Remicade.  So far so good.

Still drowsy, though.  So naptime?  I think so.