weekend tally

movies watched: three

sweaty naps taken: three

episodes of H20 watched: at least 8

number of walks: four

itchy, itchy bug bites: nine (last time I counted)

popsicles consumed: countless.

Some other numbers:

7 days until the Bingham reunion

3 weeks and 2 days until I go to Arizona

5 weeks until I move

7 weeks until classes begin

I'm going to miss my neighborhood. And I know I'll miss the summer when it's through.

Despite this, I can't help feeling impatient and jittery. I jump through time mentally - looking forward to tomorrow, then next week, then next month. This inevitably leads me through the years until I begin to panic at the thought of old age.

So I go for a run, remind myself that I am still young.

I need to keep working on this "living in the present" thing.

some text.

I just noticed that my last two posts were essentially pictures and not a whole lot else.

So. Some general updates.

• I have housing all worked out for next year. I wish I could move tonight. A private room and private bathroom? Air conditioning? Be still my heart.
• I discovered that honey works as a better face wash than anything else I have tried.
• My class schedule for the fall is all set. I am actually (kind of) looking forward to this semester.
• A friend is teaching me how to make a book. It's coming along really well.
• Popsicles. So very many popsicles. Usually while watching H20: Just Add Water.
• I cut my hair and remembered why I never grow it out. I am so much happier when it is short.
• I bought a new coat. It was on sale and it is beautiful. (I do realize it is almost July. It's fine.)

A bit more:

• Where can a girl go to be alone? As in, completely alone. I want a place where I can scream as loud as I want, sing off-key, and pray out loud. Someplace where no one will hear me. The world is too close and I have this really strong need to be alone (even if it's just for a few hours).

helllloooo long weekend. (nearly)

Beginning in a day and a half:

Lake Powell, friends, my favorite holiday, getting away from Provo for a few days...

It's going to be amazing.

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am for this vacation.

fight it.

No, this post isn't just me posting a bunch of pictures of myself.
Or rather, it is. But it's mostly about what these pictures have in common.

I have this very strong desire to cut it all off again. (This happens from time to time.)

Just think! I can save so much time. It would be so much cooler for the summer. It would make me look so much more sophisticated. And French. Also edgy. So very edgy.

Right? hmmmmmm? right?

and on and on.

It's funny how things change. And it's funny how some things don't.


So much is different from a month ago.

I was in Canyonlands a month ago. Hiking, actually.
Work was stressing me out and I was feeling pretty bad about school.
I was trying really hard to figure myself out, to get things in order. I was planning for my future. I felt like my future was right there. Like I needed to deal with everything right up front.


Now?


Work is work. I'm doing okay.
School is far enough away that I don't feel the stress of it. (Deep enough into summer that the bad feelings have faded, but not so close to fall that I am worried about the new semester.)

I'm surviving. I wouldn't say thriving or anything. But I'm doing just fine.

I've been working really hard on being more involved in the "right now." I am a version of myself right now, at this moment, that I will never be again. And I feel like I owe it to myself to live my life. Future-Lauren is some other girl. She'll get her chance to live. But for now she just needs to wait. I (right-now-me) am going to try to soak up as much experience as possible.

when it rains it pours; misfortune comes in threes

I got into my first car accident today. (Everyone's fine, don't worry.)




So that's two.
What next?


(I'm kidding. Really. Nothing else is necessary.)

How to deal:

Start with Jeremy Enigk's album "World Waits". (Put it on repeat. forever and ever.)

Follow that up with a multi-generational visit to a nail salon. Moms and Nanas know what's up.

Go clothes shopping. (A brand new white shirt will do wonders for your outlook on life. It's symbolic.)

Spend time with friends that listen. Love them.

Keep as busy as you can. (You don't feel like going out and socializing? Tough. Do it anyway.)

Stand in the sunshine as much as possible.

Cry. Cry as much as you want. (No shame.)

Indulge in fried foods.

Then eat the healthiest salad in the world for your next meal.

Take walks. Explore. Get fresh air.

Make some new friends.

Pour your heart out into a journal.

Put that journal on the shelf and start a new one.

Drink tea.

Bake things.

Laugh a little.

Stop feeling guilty for laughing.

Clean some more.

Revert back to your childhood for a little while.

Read things. Books, magazines, the internet. The Whole Internet.

Draw. (With charcoal, so that you get covered in black smudges. Then take a shower. Also symbolic.)

Still don't feel better? Wait it out, I guess.